I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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