I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
