I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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