I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
