Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
