He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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