I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
