I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
