i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
