I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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