Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
