Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
