She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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