Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
