dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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