I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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