News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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