tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she told me i tasted like america
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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