I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just found puke in my bra..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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