Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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