Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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