I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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