i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
