if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
