I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize