I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
