Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
