but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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