Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
