Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize