Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
