Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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