I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You pole danced in your parka.
50% drunk capacity currently
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Im part way to drunk.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
