you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize