quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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