It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
