The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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