There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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