I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
