I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
