So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
