I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
