Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
