and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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