Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I AM VODKA MAN
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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