my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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