i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
