i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
