I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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