he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
