Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
