Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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