Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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