I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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