Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize