At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize