woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
