Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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