So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sorry about my life...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
