mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
