Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
false alarm, still single
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
