Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
