it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
