I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
