Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
