worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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