Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
