This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize