Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
