i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize