just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
